Sunday, January 25, 2009

A grave day and a generous bounty.

Autumn 66th, 573

Alas. Today is a dark day for Puddlebean justice, and, indeed, for justice as a whole.



I recently left the library for a stroll, and was swiftly informed by reliable sources that a vile crime had been committed by Wangah Rah (who you may know as a racist, friend to the orga, thief, liar, swindler, necromancer, plane unraveller, violent criminal, and general villain of the highest degree). Rah had apparently abused ethereal portals in what could have only been an attack upon the precious sheet that prevents collision of the ethereal plane and our own.

Veterans of the recent ethereal war and those individuals knowledgeable about the planes parallel to our own know what a serious offense this is. If planar armageddon were to occur, it would be, simply put, catastrophic for Puddlebean life. Our world would become an alien wasteland, overrun by eldritch creatures and hostile to natural life.

I did the only thing that a highly moral veteran and authority figure would do in my situation - took the wretch to court with the aim of holding him accountable for his reprehensible behavior.

Despite my best efforts, the snakish mystic deceived the jury by flagrantly passing the blame to Pe Ell, who was not even present to defend himself. Indeed, Rah's forked but silvery tongue was able to convince his peers that my case was frivolous, and that I was in some way corrupt! Slander and filth! A thousand poxes upon his house! I was unceremoniously thrown into a cell with that insipid arms dealer Joe, and forced to wait out a plainly undeserved sentence.

Though furious at this perverse injustice, I do not blame the honorable jury for their role in it. No, our fine citizens did the very best that they could, given the circumstances -- this case was disastrous for other reasons. The first was a strange and unexplainable hampering of my speech (witchery from the opposition? I've not the expertise to say definitively). The second was far more upsetting - a turncoat witness who has now stabbed me twice in the back with the jagged dagger of treachery. I'll not be toyed with a third time -- watch yourself, little one.

I later learned that, in addition to assaulting the very fabric of our world, Rah had also instigated an earlier Orga invasion. This is not simply a footnote, it is a high crime in its own right that calls for harsh retribution.

Since the court system has sadly failed our government, it is now time to test our militia against this filthy criminal. I am offering a medal of Largocratic heroism and 20,000 of my own coppers to the exile who delivers to me Wangah Rah's right ear and shows me the wretched elf unfallen and without it as proof of authenticity. Inter-exile brutality is not something often condoned by the Largocracy, but I feel it is of the utmost importance that we make an example of this diabolical figure. Future traitors will think twice knowing that stern penalties are imposed upon those who would betray us to our enemies and threaten our survival.

In other news, I may soon purchase a new shirt.

-- Largo

4 comments:

Pe Ell said...

How about I just dump him in the EP again?

  said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
^-^ ~~~ Inu said...

As a founding member of the Wangah Rah Fan Club, I am wondering... Largo what are you smoking? You need a dose of good old fashioned humor LA style - come hunting with us next time enough of us are on.... If that doesn't convince you that Wangah is just being silly, then we can dump, er give you a tour of the Abyss 9 :)

cammie said...

He's also a big meanie who set my tail on fire.